Kellen Erskine on High School Mascots – Dry Bar Comedy

Updated : Oct 09, 2019 in Articles

Kellen Erskine on High School Mascots – Dry Bar Comedy


I’m disappointed
with the lack of originality when it comes to naming
high school football teams — especially when it comes to animals. There are a trillion species
on this planet, only nine are used for all sports
and I can prove it right now. Go ahead and clap if your high school
football team was the Eagles. Some Eagles here?
Alright. How about Bears?
Any Bears? Wow! That guy thinks high school mattered.
Alright. How about Lions?
Do we have any Lions here? There’s couple cowardly Lions in the back. How about Wildcats?
Do we have any of those? Yeah? That’s not even a thing. It’s a lazy meeting. – “What are you going to be?”
– “I don’t know. Some sort of wild cat.” “Yup, that’s it.” Meeting adjourned. I always do like to ask. So anybody here come from a high school
that had a unique team name? So nothing has ever been used in like
professional sports: NFL, NBA, baseball. Just go ahead and… yeah.
Don’t tell it to me. Just cheer. – What’s that?
– Buckaroo. The Buckaroo? Everyone cheering just sounds like
a condescending dad. “There you go, Buckaroo.” Even when you win, that can’t feel good:
“Good job, Buckaroo!” What else?
What else do we have here? – What’s that? The Scars?
– Dart. Oh, The Darts. She did a little “The Darts.” Oh, okay, the pointy ones.
Alright. Yeah. I thought you meant The Car. That would be weirder.
“The Darts.” The Darts.
Okay, just a second. We’re still… We’re still talking about Darts. What city are you from or state?
What’s that? – Kaysville, Utah.
– Kaysville, Utah? Okay, alright. Is that like a thing there? That’s number one
on TripAdvisor for Kaysville? “They have the best darts in Kaysville,
you know what I’m saying?” “No, no, the pointy ones.” – What else do we have?
– Beat Digger. – What’s that?
– Beat Digger. Beat Digger? That come from the cheap seats
in the balcony, of course. That’s how we earned our way here. Where are you from that you dig beats? – Jordan High School.
– What’s that? – Jordan.
– Jordan High School? Alright. That’s… that’s here, right? This is going all over the world
so people aren’t going to know. That’s like Jordan?
Is this just some guy? Jordan likes beats.
I don’t know. Over here, somebody raised
their hand politely. What was yours? – Russets.
– The Russets? Okay. Some other guy just yelled his out. He’s like “That’s not interesting.
Listen to mine.” – Russets are potato.
– What’s… okay. Alright. Russets are potatoes. Okay. Getting heckled by Wikipedia. Usually when I get heckled
someone’s like “Get off the stage.” But here it’s like
“Here’s some useful information.” Alright, potatoes. – What else? What else do we have?
– Cavemen. The Cavemen? Alright, cool.
Where are you from? – American Fork.
– American Fork, alright. I don’t know a thing about that. – Cavemen, what else?
– Dones… – Dones?
– Spanish Fork. Spanish Fork. I feel like everyone here
knows something but me. I don’t understand
all these utensil cities. – The Criminals.
– The Criminals. Are you from Spanish Fork too? I’m just guessing.
I’m glad I made sense to you, guys. Anyone else not from here? Let’s hear a couple.
What’s that? – Patriot.
– Patriots, cool. You weren’t listening to my question.
Alright. From Chicago Fork. – Syrup Makers.
– The Syrup Makers? The rest of you quiet down for a second. You’re just trying to help me out?
Is that what this is? I’m from Georgia so… You’re from Georgia. Of course.
I love the syrup from Georgia… so matter of fact. I’m not going to be like
obviously I’m from Canada. No, Georgia. She’s like Russets, yeah. I’m from Saudi Arabia. Obviously. – So The Syrup Makers?
– Yeah, The Syrup Makers. Okay.
So, what was your mascot? Just like a really bored guy. If I could name
a high school team it would be…

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